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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25023628">sitting (becalmed)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/pipasa/pseuds/pipasa'>pipasa</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bandstand - Oberacker/Oberacker &amp; Taylor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Gay Character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Gen, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Male Friendship, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, Past Character Death, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, could be read as donny/jimmy if u really want but its mostly just friendship, i wrote this in a haze last night after rewatching bandstand enjoy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:22:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,673</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25023628</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/pipasa/pseuds/pipasa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“his name was aaron,” jimmy says weakly. it rushes out of him, taking all the air from his lungs in one hefty gust. he inhales deeply, feeling exhausted. jimmy can barely see donny’s nod from his half-lidded eyes. </p><p>“his name was aaron,” jimmy says again, this time with more confidence, though the bar was incredibly low.</p><p>///</p><p>or, jimmy has a flashback, and donny helps calm him down.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jimmy Campbell &amp; Donny Novitski</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>sitting (becalmed)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>title is from the song "sitting becalmed in the lee of cuttyhunk" from the musical a new brain</p><p>this work includes descriptions of panic attacks and some discussion of past character death. if these are upsetting to you, please proceed with caution!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>jimmy is stripped down to his slacks, laying flat with his back pressed against the wet tile floor when donny finds him. his entire body is icily still- and isn’t that what six hours of trending water alone in the pacific will do? he feels cold. he is colder than he’s ever been before, though the steam of the still running shower (which maybe he should’ve known was a bad idea, but it sounded nice when this all started) encroaches steadily, making him sweat despite himself, the mirror fogging over. he does not know where his glasses are; he cannot remember taking them off. his breathing is so shallow that donny dives to his knees, thinking the man dead upon first sight.</p><p>“jimmy?”</p><p>when jimmy doesn’t respond, donny moves a hand an inch above his lips, letting it hover above as it quivers until he feels the huff of a short exhale. </p><p>donny sags with short lived relief before refocusing on the matter at hand. he stares down, taking in the expression, or rather the lack thereof, on jimmy’s face. his eyes are caught, staring into the nothing of the white hotel ceiling above. </p><p>“jesus fuck, jimmy, what happened?” </p><p>“turn—“ jimmy’s breath barely supports the word. he takes in a thin gasp, the movement pulling a fresh ache from his ribs. he remembers oil burning on the surface of the water around him. “turn off the— please, donny— the- the water”</p><p>donny’s brows furrow as he listens, confused, but the second he understands he bolts upwards, twisting the shower’s knob violently to the right, not bothering to roll up his sleeve. the water cuts off, hitting the tub with a soft crash that makes jimmy want to gag, and he does. </p><p>jimmy’s stillness abruptly ends, and he’s heaving, rolling himself onto his side so he will not choke if he vomits. his arms curl inward, hugging himself now where they had been laying passively at his sides before. he can still hear the roaring of the waves crashing in his ears, each seeming louder than the one before, as his eyes twist shut. he can smell the ship burning, can feel the coldness seeping into his body. the heat of his tears as they drip down his face, beading at the tip of his nose and cascading down to the tile floor, each droplet breaking like a wave.</p><p>his head aches something terrible when he finally stops shaking. he has no idea how much time has passed, but he assumes it’s been at least half an hour. that is how long these usually last for him, and then it is usually a day before he feels like himself again. a day, at the least, if not longer. it depends on the number of cold hands he felt try to pull him under. his body feels hollow- like his soul has left it.</p><p>he lets a breath shutter out of him, his arms falling away from his body, hands pawing for his glasses uselessly as he tries to piece the scattered parts himself together. a pair of shoes come into his hazy vision, and the metal frames are inserted in his hands. he takes them, unfolding them slowly and pushing them onto his nose. he blinks a few times, clearing leftover moisture from his eyes before he looks up at donny.</p><p>“hey,” is all donny says, though his voice shakes enough to say more. </p><p>“donny,” jimmy replies, then coughs. he pushes himself off the floor slowly, arms shaking as he sits up and scoots so his back is against the wall. he takes his index and thumb and working them over the bridge of his nose wearily. “what time is it?”</p><p>donny shrugs, lowering himself to the ground across from jimmy. he makes no complaint, but his eyes are haunted, like he’s staring at some sort of ghost. if jimmy were not so distraught, he might entertain the notion that maybe donny is.</p><p>“it’s pretty late, practice already started,” donny settles on finally. jimmy nods, instantly regretting it with the way his brain seems to swim in his skull. he huffs faintly at the thought. ironic. </p><p>“wanna talk about it?” donny offers.</p><p>“there’s nothing to say,” jimmy responds. “i’ll be fine. thank you.”</p><p>donny looks at him for a long moment, his eyes scanning jimmy for tells. then, he glances to the shower head. </p><p>“the water?” he asks.</p><p>“among other things,” jimmy replies, looking uncomfortable but resisting shifting. “but i- i don’t care to discuss it.</p><p>donny nods, but he does not move to leave. the steam has faded mostly, but the room is still stuffy and humid, causing donny’s shirt to cling to his chest in a manner that looks uncomfortable. upon noticing this, jimmy remembers that he was halfway through undressing with the memories surged. he reaches for his shirt, a white button but that now lays wilted on the floor where he discarded it earlier. he slips it on, trying to ignore its dampness and wrinkles as donny watches him silently. it takes some time to get it buttoned, his fingers fumbling gracelessly, but it gives him something to try to focus on. when he is done, he sighs, dropping his head backward. it thumps unceremoniously on the wall behind him.</p><p>donny stares at jimmy for a long moment, then casts his eyes downwards. he picks at his shirt, peeling the moist fabric away from his skin absently. the air is thick, filled only by the sound of jimmy’s breath as it attempts to find a more regular tempo. donny gives up fidgeting with his shirt, dropping his hands to the floor and tapping his pointer finger against the floor slowly. jimmy moves his head, opening his eyes slowly.</p><p>“you don’t have to stay with me,” he says quietly. “i’ll be okay. the band is probably waiting downstairs, wondering where we are.”</p><p>“i’m fine here,” donny says, looking again at jimmy. “julia dropped by to see what was wrong a little bit ago while you were still…”</p><p>he trails off, frowning. jimmy sighs, wondering just how bad he must have been to not notice donny leaving to talk to julia. he hopes, quite pathetically, that she didn not see him like this. </p><p>donny picks the tapping back up, humming quietly. it is not a song jimmy recognizes (more likely than not, it is just something donny is making up as he goes), but he finds comfort in the notes as they resonate off the thin hotel walls. the humidity has dissipated to what could almost be called normal. jimmy stares at his hands absently, picking at dirt beneath his nails. donny stops humming, and the silence is peaceful.</p><p>“I…” jimmy starts, and donny looks up. jimmy swallows. he opens his mouth, then closes it, repeating the process over and over like a broken record, trying to put his thoughts into words. he thinks that, if he could find the right ones, saying it aloud could take the pain out of his mind, but he knows it is a pipe dream. </p><p>“you don’t have to-”</p><p>“his name was aaron,” jimmy says weakly. it rushes out of him, taking all the air from his lungs in one hefty gust. he inhales deeply, feeling exhausted. jimmy can barely see donny’s nod from his half-lidded eyes. <br/>
“his name was aaron,” jimmy says again, this time with more confidence, though the bar was incredibly low.</p><p>“...how bad was it?” donny asks with a voice that tells he isn’t sure he wants to know.</p><p>“...bad,” jimmy replies simply. he hesitates, trying to decide if he wants to say anything more, but decides against it. he lets his body still, measuring donny’s reaction.</p><p>“i’m sorry,” donny says, and jimmy knows he means it. </p><p>“thank you.”</p><p>he does not look at donny; instead he keeps his eyes on the tile, inspecting the grout with his eyes but keeping himself immobile. donny reaches out and pats his leg, and jimmy does everything he can to not flinch. he rarely experiences physical contact anymore, so the touch is surprisingly grounding. the heat of donny’s palm sinks through the fabric of his slacks, and jimmy realizes that he still feels cold, like he’s still clawing for purchase in the pacific, more like a corpse than a person. he suppresses the shutter he feels building, his eyes landing on donny’s hand as he squeezes jimmy’s knee comfortingly.</p><p>“i know it’s scary, but, if you ever wanna talk about it, i’m here for you. any of it,” donny says, and jimmy feels startled as he realizes he’s not talking about the sinking of the reid, but all the things around it. </p><p>jimmy swallows, beginning a slow nod as donny suddenly engulfs him in a hug that, were jimmy receiving it from anyone else, he might recoil away from. but this is donny, who he trusts more than he anticipated ever trusting anyone again. he caves in, going boneless in donny’s arms and letting his forehead rest against donny’s shoulder. donny holds him gently, closely. </p><p>after a long while, jimmy slowly pulls away, somewhat saddened at the loss of donny’s body heat. donny smiles at him kindly, patiently. he stays on the floor with jimmy until jimmy starts to push himself up with shaking hands. donny stands quickly and offers jimmy help up, which he accepts after only a moment's hesitation. </p><p>“is it too late to go to practice?” jimmy asks, and donny’s brow furrows.</p><p>“are you sure that’s a good idea?” donny asks in turn, rather than giving an answer. jimmy shrugs.</p><p>“playing helps,” jimmy says, and donny nods, knowing this to be true. “i’m going to change, but i’ll meet you downstairs?”</p><p>“sounds good,” donny responds, and then he heads out the door.</p><p>jimmy changes out of his sweat soaked clothes quickly, and then he gathers his instruments’ cases. he leaves the hotel room, heading downstairs to the rehearsal space.</p><p>he is shocked how much he feels like himself when he gets there.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thanks for reading!!! comments and kudos are always appreciated!! you can find me on tumblr @pipasa</p></blockquote></div></div>
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